Recovering. Love. Addict.

Here I lie in this empty bed,
still warm with your scent,
I wish you were here with me yet.
Instead my mind is riddled,
emotionally bent over when,
I will see you next.
I’m sure this is only my worry,
and not even a passing thought for you.

But these feelings are real,
Just as is the agony in my face,
it reveals, when I’m thinking of you.
Deep down I know it will never be,
But my heart won’t give up.
As long as there is a beat,
a chance for you and me.

Moving on to the next chapter of my life, that chapter lies in Arizona at ASU where I will be getting my graduate degree in Art: Digital Technology

I’m so sick of this bullshit, of being led on and played with like a little boy burning ants with his magnifying glass. Seriously I know not to talk to her because it will just end up with me left high and dry, but I keep doing it over and over again. I will be my own end, my own doom, in the end. Why can’t I just not think about women….there is something that drives me to want love.

I need something to fill this whole, something to fill the gap. There is something missing in my life and I can only fill it with temporary one night stands, but nothing more…ever.

Where do I go from here, eventually I will run out of energy to put into this battle for love. I’ll let the overwhelming forces take me and ravage my heart tearing it into millions of pieces and scatter it across the world. Take a little piece of me everywhere allowing me to experience everything life has to offer, all the while never being whole myself.

This is going to be a different approach from my norm,
I don’t give two shits about the rhymes or rhythms,
that you all look for in poems.

A quick snapshot of my thoughts,
is what I’m about to bring to this digital world,
watching my ink dry in 0’s and 1’s,
all the while thinking “Why can’t I find ‘The One’”.

The reference isn’t to Neo,
but much like a journey down the Grande Rio.
A maze that never ends but keeps going,
where is the love I desire, the love that keeps flowing,
till’ the very end?

Here I am lying with regret,
she is next to me breathing,
mouth always moving,
to the next fret.

Shut the hell up I say in my head,
as the babble of a blubbering idiot ensues.
I yell at myself with a wicked tongue,
she is just another notch for you to view.

Feeling this ecstasy inject into my veins,
I sit back to enjoy the diabolical high.
The bliss that comes from this,
will leave me coming back for more when I’m dry.

Emotional masochism is my game,
watch me be the superstar,
and rise up to an all time record,
of a dirty shame.

She has power.

To make me frown,
then turn it upside down.

To make me cry,
and wonder why.

To make me laugh,
until I’m out of breath.

To make me think,
until I fall into a slumber and sink.

To make me better,
pulling myself from the self depressed gutter.

To make me happy,
on the days I’m feeling crappy.

To make me strong,
even when I feel weak,
and somewhat bleak.